System Additive Reviews: Jonnie Walker Double Black Edition

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
08/01/2014 at 13:53 • Filed to: Oppo Reviews, Drunklopnik, Scotchlopnik

For years, the likes of Chevron, STP, Lucas Oil, Gumout, etc. have sold fluids claiming not only to keep your car's internals running as factory, but better, improving response, power, and fuel economy. Perhaps unsurprisingly, liquid additives that claim to aid and improve the function of other systems exist, including your own analog meat-based one. As an engineer interested in the optimal performance of any system, I invested one particular commercially available fluid additive, Johnnie Walker Double Black blended Scotch whisky.

For context, I try to go beyond the bare scheduled maintenance of my own system. I wash it daily, and while I do not wax, I suppose shaving is analogous to using a clay bar. Cancer has not infected any bodywork, but there are a few Bondo seams, giving a slight rat-rod character, even though the repairs are the result of accidents, not design. Similar to BMW's F1 engine program, I try to stress certain components to the brink of failure, hoping they will strengthen in the process. I also take it on regular drives, as not to let it succumb to garage rot.

Johnnie Walker's Double Black is a fuel additive, so I should also describe what fuels I use. Perhaps foolishly, I do not adhere to any of the popular fuel restrictions: this system has operated on swine flesh, gluten, dairy, high carbs, and high protein. Though I do try to stay away from fuels that I know will leave deposits in the fuel lines, given how long it takes to replace plugged filter or pump.

Now for the additive itself. The manufacturer and those who use Johnnie Walker Double Black claim that using the additive will not only bring pleasure to your system, it will improve communication and other forms of interaction with other systems, when used in the correct amounts. Despite the words "smokey" and "double black" on the label, Johnnie Walker did not create an additive to aid rolling coal, which was my immediate and understandable concern (despite once being commonplace, rolling coal is now unseemingly in the Western world, and almost completely illegal in Cosmopolitan centers such as NYC). I am told that some people will only roll coal when using this or similar additives, but that's a story for another day.

Despite almost every automotive system additive being sold in single-use containers, Johnnie Walker Double Black is sold almost exclusively in bulk. In fact, using an entire bottle at one will almost certainly cause your system to grenade beyond repair. This seems like a huge oversight by the manufacturer, but apparently this is how it's always been done. Luckily, many aftermarket manufacturers sell reusable containers that hold enough additive for a single use. It is possible to use the additive by itself, but most seem to mix it with other non-additive fluids, such as water, carbonated water, or the similar additive vermouth. Ice is also sometimes added upon application, though I am unsure how application temperature affects performance.

After application, performance is affected, though not immediately. The claims of improved communication and interaction are true, at least from a first-person perspective, though handling and navigation do suffer, sometimes severely. Trading communication for handling and navigation is not worth the trade-off in any situation, though it definitely is in some. It's similar to drag radials being useless on the street, but ideal at the strip, if that makes any sense. However, I did notice that many people who used the additive employed the use of a co-driver to augment losses in handling and navigation.

Overall, I do recommend Johnnie Walker Double Black additive, but only in situations where the need for social performance significantly trumps handling or route-finding, though make sure you don't pour the full bottle in the tank.

DISCUSSION (16)

King Ginger, not writing for Business Insider > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 14:02

I love this stuff, its my go-to. And great write up!

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 14:04

How would you say it compares to the slightly cheaper red additive?

For Sweden > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
08/01/2014 at 14:14

I haven't tried yet, nor have I test the more expensive blue version.

Nibbles > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 14:26

I much prefer their Green version over the others. I attended a small conference put on by Johnnie Walker in which we were able to test each additive individually to gauge their specific benefits. The Black additive, as you've said, is a good all-around "get everything done". I didn't seem to notice much difference between it and the Gold. The Green, whilst providing the same benefits, had the added plus of being a little more potent at the expense (for some) of being a little rougher on the internal components. The Blue version, while easier on internal components, is not really worth the price premium over the other labels. Red, well the only way to enjoy Red is when it's diluted heavily with other compounds, preferably effervescent ones with high levels of short-chain carbohydrates.

Where have all the lightweights gone? > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 14:29

Johnnie Blue is a way for you to show you have no clue what you're talking about and like to waste money.

Chteelers > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 14:58

JW is good. This is better.

macanamera > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 15:06

Green is the best, for sure. Double black in my opinion is worse than regular black.

Green>Blue>Gold>Black>Double Black>Res

Sn210 > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
08/01/2014 at 15:26

you'll see greater MPG and HP returns from the x2 black over the red or single black additive.

Manuél Ferrari > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 15:32

That was hilarious

Now I feel like leaving work early (I'm on Pacific Time) and drinking some Scotch

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Sn210
08/01/2014 at 15:35

I may have to stomach the initial cost for the extra value provided by this double black additive then.

Penthesilea > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 16:20

If you like blended whiskies I suggest you try the Whyte & Mackay range.

Gamecat235 > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 18:11

To clarify. Are you stating that alcohol is a solution?

For Sweden > Gamecat235
08/01/2014 at 18:12

It definitely isn't a colloid.

StingrayJake > For Sweden
08/01/2014 at 21:15

My friends bought me the Gold additive as a wedding gift last week. I took a 5-second pull from it before going out and trashing my fuel system, so I don't feel I can adequately comment on it.

fhrblig > Chteelers
08/01/2014 at 21:39

This is me right now.

FrankAtlanta > For Sweden
08/02/2014 at 07:41

Touché!